Letting Go
by citigirl13
Summary: "Mary made him realise just how much he craved someone, anyone, to notice him. Made him realise that he wanted someone to look at him with bright, affectionate eyes, someone who wanted his company, someone who simply wanted him." Bash's thoughts once he leaves the guards. Set after 1x13.


**So has a Mash fan, I am going to say that I hated episode 1x13. **

**It was a good episode and it was well thought out – it wasn't written badly or unrealistically at all, and if I was a Frary fan I would have loved it. As it is, my heart broke a thousand times for Bash. I didn't like how the writers made him act like that towards Mary when Francis told her about the prophecy being changed. It was completely out of character. I thought Francis was very cruel to his brother too – he could have accepted victory with more grace, more decency. And Mary... In my eyes she put Bash in this position of danger only to abandon him. I love Mary and Bash together, but honestly I am mad at Mary after that episode. **

**BUT... There is hope. First of all, the prophecy remained the same. I am glad. It would have made the show seem stupid, to create all the fuss just to have it changed. I believe that the prophecy is true and that Francis will die – but only after a load of other things happen. And besides, Mary is with Francis NOW. But the couple that is together at the beginning doesn't usually stay with each other throughout the series. There were other signs too: such as Mary's hesitation before marrying Francis, when she meant to sign but glanced back at her mother; and her anger towards her mother when she realised that she had been pushed into marrying one of them that night. **

**I don't doubt that Mary loves Francis. But I think she loves Bash too, and I think she will end up loving him more. **

**Besides, Francis slept with Lola and that is bound to come out. No writer would put something like THAT without it coming out. Mary will find out. My theories are that Kenna will get mad for some reason or another and let it slip, or that Lola is pregnant.**

**Anyway, sorry for the rant. I just need to vent and this one-shot kinda shows that. I just wanted to write Bash with a little hope.**

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**DISCLAIMER:**** I do not own **_**Reign**_** or any of the characters; I also do not own **_**Vampire Diaries**_** or any of the characters. **

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**Letting Go**

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"The only way...is to let go"

**Lexi to Stefan, **_**The Vampire Diaries**_**, 4x23**

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"_My heart _is_ open..."_

Bash forces his eyes open. He is so tired. Ever since the palace guards tried to attack him he has barely stopped, and that is only in order to let his horse rest. He himself has not slept, shivering and jumping at any shadows before hurriedly dragging the horse back on its feet. But after two days it is beginning to take it's toll. His horse is plodding along in the moonlight while he half-dozes on it's back. He knows he needs proper sleep.

But how can he sleep when all he sees is Mary and Francis consummating their marriage? The first time he tried to sleep that image shot in his mind and he leapt up as if someone had thrown water over him. The last few times he has been plagued with their conversations, about them getting married or about her loving him. It is as if God is punishing him for trying to take his brother's throne.

The stupid thing is he never wanted the throne. Who would want to be king, having to make important decisions every day, being watched by everyone, needing to be perfect, constantly on guard for an enemy? Who would want that?

All he wanted was Mary. He thought she wanted him too.

He is torn between laughing, crying or screaming at what a fool he has been. He had always prided himself on not being fooled. He had stayed on the sidelines, letting his brother get the women and the problems and the attention. He thought he had been happy with that. But Mary made him realise just how much he craved someone, anyone, to notice him. Made him realise that he wanted someone to look at _him_ with bright, affectionate eyes, someone who wanted _his _company, someone who simply wanted _him_.

He had thought Mary was to be that someone.

But she had always been in love with Francis. He had known that from the beginning, even accepted it, but somehow he had let himself believe that she loved him too – perhaps even more than Francis. He supposes that was easy to believe, with Francis being gone. Now the truth has hit him like a lightning bolt. Mary would never have been happy with him, not when his brother was in the wings.

He knows he had been – is? Was? – in love, but he should not have let it get this far, should not have allowed himself to fall. He went with her, helped her escape the French court, and when he learnt Francis' life was in danger, allowed her to talk him into accepting the French throne. He helped her get rid of Catherine, protected her when the queen tried to kill her. He allowed himself to be placed on the throne because Mary wanted it – because it would protect his brother – and then she tossed him aside like he was nothing. He is now in danger by people who think he wanted to steal the throne. Let's all just ignore that he had to be dragged back to Court after he and Mary had made their escape. Let's all just forget the fact that Mary was the one who pushed for Henri to legitimise him.

She used him. He can see that now. Perhaps she did not mean it, but it doesn't change the fact she did.

He cannot go back to Court, not now, not ever. Francis would never welcome him back, he has made that clear; he cannot even bear to think of his father, after what he did to him – and Catherine? She will be over the moon, to have both him and his mother gone. Henri has probably pardoned her for her crimes now, and she will reign France until the day she dies, if not through Henri than her son. He thinks of his mother, somewhere in Paris, but he cannot even raise excitement at the thought of seeing her. She will always be tied to Henri and in truth he never wants to see that man again. He has no one.

He wonders if anyone has ever died from loneliness, but quickly berates himself for being so melodramatic.

To his surprise his heart lifts a little at another thought: he will never have to go to Court again. On the one hand that is terrifying that he has lost the only home he has ever known; on the other, a relief. Never again will he have to see the faces of the people who hurt him. He will never have to pretend. He will never have to lay eyes on Mary again. His heart, weighed down in heaviness, flutters a little at the thought.

The next time he stops to let the horse rest, he takes out the knife he stole from the guard (he has killed two men. Two men that were trying to kill him, but still. He will not think about that today though. He will think about that when he has time) and carves words into the bark of a tree. Or to be more precise, initials. He circles his initials and Mary's in a heart, and painstakingly puts an arrow through it. When he is finally done he leans against his tired horse (who has had plenty of time to rest in the time it has taken Bash to carve that into the tree) and sleeps.

When he wakes up at dawn without dreams about his brother and Mary he knows he has succeeded. He has carved their initials, any remnants of their love into the bark of the tree, and there it will stay. He needs to. He hates Mary now, hates her so much he can barely think of her without growing furious, but he loves her too. He wonders if you can have extreme hate without extreme love. He doesn't care if letting go of his love lets go of his hate too – just so long he lets go of _her_.

People who pass by will think that it is sweet, a young couple so in love; but if Mary was to pass by, she would recognise the initials immediately and know the truth. It doesn't mean that he loves her; it means that she has stabbed him in the heart, and he will never recover.

He hopes she feels guilty.

He gets back on his horse and as he rides away he does not hope for happiness, revenge, not even forgiveness. All he wants is peace. Maybe he will find it.

Mary's heart might have been open, but as of now his was firmly closed.

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**Hours to make. Seconds to comment. **

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